I’ve been perfectly happy with my single marriage to one person, but if
you’re thinking multiple spouses would suit you better, Gregg Strauss, a
graduate student at the University of Illinois has a couple of suggestions for
how to do it right.
Traditional polygamy is almost always polygyny, or one man married to
more than one woman. Putting aside considerations of gender roles, this system
is inherently asymmetrical. Even if men and women are considered to be societal
equals (which is obviously not the case in many sects that actually practice
polygyny), the man will yield more power within the family than any of his
wives. While they are expected to devote themselves entirely to him, he is
expected to split his attention between all his wives.
This doesn’t just apply to sex but to the control of resources as well.
Because the central spouse (usually a man) is by definition a member of each
subunit of the family, he has broader power to make decisions for the entire
family. The peripheral spouses have no authority to make decisions that affect
the other peripheral spouses.
Happily, there are ways to engage in polygamy that don’t require one
person to be subservient to another.
One option is polyfidelity. In this model, each spouse marries every
other spouse. Thus, everyone is equally committed to everyone else and yields equal
power within the family. To me, this sounds like a crazy
idea. After all, how likely is it that several people would all wish to be
married to each other? Leaving aside the fact that at least some of the
members of this union would have to be bisexual, it seems implausible that all the
people that one person would wish to share her life with would also feel the
same way about each other.
Another possibility is the molecular model in which each person can have
as many spouses as he or she likes, none of whom necessarily
have any relationship with each other. Of course, the logistics of hopping from
home to home and the placement of children could make this an organizational nightmare.
I’m sticking with my monogamous marriage, thanks.
I've had this thought experiment too. It's always polyfidelity and involves three people. Each of the three people fall in love with the other two and have to makes a choice. They each discover that they all share the same dilemma and choose to pursue a polyfidelic relationship. The problem I keep running into in each member not comfortably allotting sufficient time to two "significant others." Lingo, of course, is only a superficial problem.
ReplyDeleteThere are many, many different forms polygamy can take, from dyadic "V" or "N" or "M" configurations to all-with-wall groupings. An adult, regardless of gender or sexual orientation, should be free to marry ANY consenting adults, without prosecution, persecution, or discrimination.
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